“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8, NIV
One sunny day in a small town near the Missippi Delta, my mom sent me out to find our poodle. He hadn’t yet returned from his potty break, and it had been too long.
“Caesar, Caesar!” I called for him as I tramped through my neighbors’ yards.
Several doors down, I found him. He was facing off with a golden-maned creature, three times his size, growling and baring his teeth. To my five-year-old eyes, Ceasar was facing off with a lion. He gave as good as he got, but was far outmatched if things went any further. I was terrified.
“Caesar! Come! Caesar, come!” I shouted again and again. He glanced in my direction but refused to disengage.
I should kick the lion, I thought, but feared it would tear into me.
“Caesar!” I cried more urgently, begging him to save himself. For my sake.
Then I watched in horror as the lion-dog sunk his teeth into Ceasar’s little body, raised him, shook him, then dropped him, broken and bleeding, to the ground. I took off toward home and returned to the scene with my Mom. She scooped our still breathing dog into a towel and we raced to the vet on the outskirts of town.
There, our hearts were broken. The vet said Ceasar couldn’t be saved.
If I had kicked that lion dog, I might have saved my poodle.
As I grieved, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had failed him and something ugly seeped into my still-forming identity: I was a coward. In my child-brain, a brave person would have kicked that lion-dog (which Mom had told me was a chow dog).
Even as I grew older, when I remembered Caesar and this incident, I felt the sting of shame.
It was only as an adult, when I wrote this story down, that a new thought occurred to me. Caesar may have been protecting me.
Wasn’t that a good dog’s nature, to protect his little owner? He wouldn’t have wanted me to sacrifice myself to save him. That would have been anathema to his own nature–to protect me. If I had sacrificed myself to save him, he would have failed.
Whether or not he engaged with the lion-dog as an act of protection, once I arrived on the scene, he would have been invested in protecting his girl, however outmatched. Suddenly, everything flipped in my mind. And I realized, Caesar had sacrificed his life for me. With that new understanding, the shame evaporated.
The day my lion-hearted poodle faced down a lion-dog, what looked like defeat was in fact victory.
A little girl emerged unharmed from the incident and a valiant dog had laid down his life to make it so.
But a more formidable Enemy had been present that day, one who prowls around like a lion, seeking whom he might devour. And that Enemy had done some damage by depositing a lie into my child-mind about who I was, perhaps to keep me from following God into places where courage would be required.
It was Jesus who put his finger on that lie in my mind and exposed it to the light of truth, the Jesus who sacrificed his life to set me free from the lies of the Enemy and from the shame that follows believing them.
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13, NIV
What memories still come with the sting with shame or stir doubt and bewilderment?
If you ask God to give you His perspective on it and hear or understand something as a result, please share with me below. I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Eva
Doug says
In your devotional You so powerfully painted a picture of the traumatic moment and what you were experiencing that I felt like I was there. You don’t have to be a five-year-old to feel that kind of shame. I have certainly let people down and let fear rule over my heart. But thanks be to God we have a Savior who has washed all guilt and shame away With his precious blood that was shed for the world! Words cannot express the deep love that would lead our Lord to engage in that battle for our souls Knowing that it would cost him great suffering, shame, and even his life. Thank you for your amazing devotion that reminds us that through Christ we are healed of our shame and brokenness. We are transformed from death to life from fear to courage! Your beloved dog is a reminder to you and to me of God’s unconditional love that always stands ready to protect us and give unto us what we need each and every moment of our life and each and every step of our journey! Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful and inspiring devotion. Your story blessed the beginning of my day As I enter it I will be reminded of the sacrificial love of God walking with me! Blessings Doug
Eva Priest says
Thank you, Doug, for your kind and affirming words. Your faith is an inspiration.
Eva Priest says
Thank you, Doug!