My heartbreak is different. Because I’ve never had a child at all.
But, as the years passed (30’s) and disappointments stacked up (40’s), I adjusted my dream.
I could still adopt. At least I can still be a mom.
I can barely take care of myself. How can I take care of a little person?
Mother’s Day is hard—not because I’m envious, but because I’m bewildered.
Why has God given me a mother’s heart, but no child?
How can you lose a child you never had? Or grieve one that never was?
Mine was not a miscarriage—not in the traditional sense. And I can’t fathom that kind of loss. But it was miscarriage—of the dream of a child, and of a mother’s heart.
It took time, but I let myself mourn. I took my loss and unfulfilled dreams and bewilderment to Jesus because they mattered to him. He gave me a new perspective, an eternal one. And the long view changes everything. Truth changes everything.
- There is a reality more real than the one we experience day to day on this earth.
- There is a family with stronger bonds than any blood ties on earth. Jesus himself never bore physical children, yet he has many.
- God really does set the lonely in families; he makes family where there was none before.
- My mother’s heart is not wasted. Nothing in God’s Kingdom is.